I lay in my bed tonight pondering the wonderful day I had with my boys. I could not help but think that I wouldn’t have received a special joy of the day if I were not divorced. Sounds silly, I know!
As I pulled in my driveway from picking Dustin up at school, I told him, "Today’s the Day." He looked at me with confusion. I said, “Let’s get in that garage, take off those training wheels and learn to ride that bike without them.
"Sure" he said. We tried this about 5 months ago and he couldn't get the hang of it. But today, we went into the garage together and he sat next to me on the floor as I took off the training wheels. It was kind of neat doing it together. Dustin watched me and I felt an excitement for both of us as I managed to get the wheels off. He grabbed them and tossed them aside and I saw determination on his face. He was ready to do this.
He ran into the house and grabbed a pair of gloves, tugging them on as he came running back outside. He jumped on his bike, looked back at me and said, "Just don't let go, Mom."
“I won't let go until you’re ready,” I told him. I gave his bike a push, hanging on and running forward for a few car lengths. “I won't let go, but you’re doing it," I yelled.
“I know. I know. I can do it, it’s ok, Mom," Dustin said.
I let go but kept running next to him. "Look, I am not holding you. You’re doing it all by yourself," I said.
"I know. I know," Dustin continued to say as a smile beamed across his face.
I continued to run beside him. I started clapping for him. I was so happy inside. Finally, I told him I was going to stop running.
“That will be alright, Mom. I’ll be okay.”
I watched him continue for another two or three car lengths then yelled for him to just put his foot on the ground when he wanted to stop. I watched as he put his foot down and the bike fell to the ground - but Dustin didn’t. We were both so happy.
We spent the next few hours together. I taught him how to stop without the bike falling and without my help. Then I taught him how to start without holding on to me. The first time he did it, I watched as he came down the street with a grin as if he was so proud but was trying to contain it.
It was so AWESOME!!!! I was so PROUD!!!! Later I taught him to turn around without stopping the bike to get off. Then we sat on the curb and I taught him how to flip the bike over and fix his chain that had come off. We got greasy, but it was bonding and a mom’s moment. Then Dustin went and got his older brother’s bike, which is little bigger. He hopped on it and took off. I beamed inside and out!
Soon Tyler, who still refused to learn to ride a bike, came outside to see what Dustin had accomplished. He said he wanted his bike back.
"But you won't ride it," I told him.
He told me he wanted to learn now. He took his bike, got on, and it only took him about 2 minutes, but without my help was off and riding. I couldn't believe it. WOW! WOW! I was thrilled.
Tyler decided my bike was better suited for him and Dustin likes Tyler’s better. I don't mind. Hey, they are all riding as if they have been doing it for years. At 8:00 pm, I finally made them come inside for the night. It had become dark at 6pm. But I stayed outside with them the whole time. I didn't want to miss anything. They rode for 4 hours. I can't get over it.
So, as I lay in my bed pondering the day, I am utterly on a high! So happy and proud of my boys! Then I thought that if I was still married, my now-ex should have been the one to do all that. Taking off the training wheels, running with Dustin, showing him how to fix his chain. He would have received that joy, that precious bonding intimate time. I'm glad I got that all to myself. It was moving for me and something I will always remind the boys of.
So, I guess today showed me that divorce isn't all bad times. God has always been there holding on to me as I yell, "Just don't let go. Just don't let go," even though he knows I can do it. I won't let go of God and He won't let go of me, but there are some things I needed to let go and I haven't wanted to. I know it will be ok if I do. God will still be there running next to me. I may fall but I will get right back up.
©Copyright 2009 Melissa Phelan